The only “when then mentality” I encourage

Insight from Thriving Women

Writing Contribution by Katie Crocombe

Do you ever fall prey to the “when then mentality”? When ____ happens, then ____. Simultaneously believing you’re not enough right where you are??

You know the whole: When I have this job, then I’ll be more balanced. When I get married, then my life will really start. When I have my dream house then I’ll start having people over/being more intentional with friendships. When my schedule slows down then I’ll take better care of myself.

And tricking yourself to believe that all the thens somehow equal being enough and everything around you suddenly being enough…

I know I have… Most recently it’s happened to me in regards to being a small business owner.


In the rush of a new website, a launch, new coaching clients, speaking opportunities and more, I got caught up in believing that when I land X number of clients/speak at X number of events/have X number of events, then I’ll have made it… then I’ll be enough to really be considered successful.

And, it wasn’t until I got what felt like the worst sinus infection known to man a week and a half after our family Disney trip (note I did not say vacation as taking 2 little ladies to Disney is WONDERFUL but by no means a vacation!! :), that I was forced to stop and rest and rethink.

family disney

I’m typically a go-getter so resting and stopping do not come naturally

… but I quickly realized how little I could do.

I would just get the girls to school, an email sent and a load of laundry started and be hit with exhaustion. Thankfully the mature side of me entered in and reminded me to embrace slowing down… to lean into the quiet (at least while Matt was at work and the girls were at school).

It was in the quiet of that almost 2 week period of letting my body rest so I could get better, along with some client coaching calls (amazing how asking them questions and hearing their answers awakens my heart and awareness) that I realized I’d been living with a “when then mentality.” Without even realizing it, I had been allowing my identity to become wrapped up in proving myself as a coach… as being a mom who balanced her business endeavor and parenting perfectly… as being a wife who made her husband proud with how much their investment in her had paid off.

And, while none of those things are necessarily bad, they certainly aren’t the best for me right here and right now and it took slowing down and owning my when then mentality for me to realize it.

In leaning into the quiet, in getting real and raw with the Lord in journaling, I was reminded that I am more than enough just as I am in this present moment. I don’t need to do anything more. I don’t need to hold onto the the “then moments” to earn my identity or worth. Whether I do everything or nothing, I am enough because He is enough in me.

worth, identity, quote, women

So, in that approximately 2 week sabbatical of sorts I promised myself that I would revisit my mentality consistently around success and being enough. I would work from a place of rest… work from a place of “enoughness”… work from a place of giving my girls and my husband my best… not my leftover.

You see I was reminded that we have no guarantees in this life and that there is always another carrot to chase…

there are no for sures that the “then moment” is even going to occur, so why hang your hat on it?? And, if joy is truly found in the journey (which I am continuing to learn is true), then let’s accept the here and the now for all the beauty it holds.

For when I’m 90 and looking back at my life, I know I am not going to be recalling the number of followers I had, the number of events I spoke at or whether I had a certain number of clients… Instead I am going to be yearning to see the hearts I touched, the lives I encouraged, the ways that I loved those who were right in front of me- knowing that in doing that well I did enough right where I was.

And, maybe, just maybe the only “when then mentality” I want to live with is the one of when I’m 90 then I’ll look back over my life and say to myself, I lived wholeheartedly, believing in Him that I was enough right where I was in each step of the journey.

quote you are loved

So, friends, I’d love to challenge you, as I do my clients.

Where are you falling prey in your own life to the “when then mentality” and believing you’re not enough right where you are??

How can you get quiet (even if for just 10 minutes) and revisit the truth of who you are? If you need a personal note, just let me know ([email protected])… I would love to send you one as encouraging women to know they are enough, they are uniquely gifted and so worth celebrating makes my heart sing!


About Katie

womenKatie Crocombe, is a professional life coach, who was trained through PCCI, and is the founder of Flourish + Co. She is passionate about encouraging giftedness in women and partnering with them to design an intentional life through speaking, coaching and leading workshops. She’s shared her story of overcoming and her passions while leading Women’s Retreats, speaking at various Mom’s events and conferences, including MOPS, as well as at Creative Industry Meet-ups, such as RTS’ Tuesday’s Together. Katie and her husband, Matt, live in Atlanta, with their 2 daughters, Bella (9) and Ava (7).

Connect with Katie at:, Instagram, Facebook and click here for a Free Gift + Newsletter Sign-up


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  1. Julie
    June 14, 2017, 8:29 EST

    I was recently doing this with. Job that was slightly closer to home. I’ll be happier because I will have more free time to do X. I was just lying to myself free time ont make me happier only I can do that.

    • MightyD
      June 15, 2017, 10:14 EST

      I love your last few words Julie—”Only I can do that”! Yes! xoxo~D

  2. Juliette | Namastay
    June 15, 2017, 6:31 EST

    Beautiful thoughts on not worrying so much about what we should be doing, but loving and embracing where we are. Thank you for sharing this message!

    • MightyD
      June 15, 2017, 10:14 EST

      Oooo!!! Who vs. What!! I LOVE those thoughts Juliette!!! xo~D

  3. Emily & Pizza &a
    June 15, 2017, 7:03 EST

    I really enjoyed this, I tend to be super goal oriented and it’s a nice reminder to also enjoy moments and appreciate what you have done so far.

    • MightyD
      June 15, 2017, 10:15 EST

      I resonate Emily. I am goal-oriented too. It’s so necessary to step back, pause and appreciate. My husband once shared a great analogy with me regarding “riding the flats” vs. always climbing. There is much to be gained on the flat road! xo!D

  4. Rose
    June 15, 2017, 9:31 EST

    Such an important topic! It is way too easy to adopt this mentality.

    • MightyD
      June 15, 2017, 10:16 EST

      I agree Rose. I am all in with practicing it!! xo~D

  5. Candice
    June 15, 2017, 10:06 EST

    oh wow, I definitely struggle with this! I, for sure, have lots to think about!

    • MightyD
      June 15, 2017, 10:16 EST

      The great perspective is that you realize it Candice. And that is key. So, like me, we can practice staying aware and changing our thought patterns and actions. Thanks for your comment!! xo~D

  6. Jessica
    June 15, 2017, 5:21 EST

    oh i’m definitely feeling that right now, trying to launch a course, trying to reno my home. I’m currently off ill, when i go back to work. i’m stuck in the when then

  7. Christelle
    June 16, 2017, 1:09 EST

    Such a great reminder about identity and worth and one I need to put into practice in my own life!

  8. Tracey Crockett
    June 20, 2017, 4:24 EST

    This is one of the best blog posts I’ve read today. So many people need to read this and put it in to action. It’s amazing how not being able to do what you think you must do will give you the clarity you need to make the best decisions for your life…On your back with no where else to go but be with you!