Writing Contribution by Katie Crocombe
Do you ever fall prey to the “when then mentality”? When ____ happens, then ____. Simultaneously believing you’re not enough right where you are??
You know the whole: When I have this job, then I’ll be more balanced. When I get married, then my life will really start. When I have my dream house then I’ll start having people over/being more intentional with friendships. When my schedule slows down then I’ll take better care of myself.
And tricking yourself to believe that all the thens somehow equal being enough and everything around you suddenly being enough…
I know I have… Most recently it’s happened to me in regards to being a small business owner.
In the rush of a new website, a launch, new coaching clients, speaking opportunities and more, I got caught up in believing that when I land X number of clients/speak at X number of events/have X number of events, then I’ll have made it… then I’ll be enough to really be considered successful.
And, it wasn’t until I got what felt like the worst sinus infection known to man a week and a half after our family Disney trip (note I did not say vacation as taking 2 little ladies to Disney is WONDERFUL but by no means a vacation!! :), that I was forced to stop and rest and rethink.
… but I quickly realized how little I could do.
I would just get the girls to school, an email sent and a load of laundry started and be hit with exhaustion. Thankfully the mature side of me entered in and reminded me to embrace slowing down… to lean into the quiet (at least while Matt was at work and the girls were at school).
It was in the quiet of that almost 2 week period of letting my body rest so I could get better, along with some client coaching calls (amazing how asking them questions and hearing their answers awakens my heart and awareness) that I realized I’d been living with a “when then mentality.” Without even realizing it, I had been allowing my identity to become wrapped up in proving myself as a coach… as being a mom who balanced her business endeavor and parenting perfectly… as being a wife who made her husband proud with how much their investment in her had paid off.
And, while none of those things are necessarily bad, they certainly aren’t the best for me right here and right now and it took slowing down and owning my when then mentality for me to realize it.
In leaning into the quiet, in getting real and raw with the Lord in journaling, I was reminded that I am more than enough just as I am in this present moment. I don’t need to do anything more. I don’t need to hold onto the the “then moments” to earn my identity or worth. Whether I do everything or nothing, I am enough because He is enough in me.
So, in that approximately 2 week sabbatical of sorts I promised myself that I would revisit my mentality consistently around success and being enough. I would work from a place of rest… work from a place of “enoughness”… work from a place of giving my girls and my husband my best… not my leftover.
there are no for sures that the “then moment” is even going to occur, so why hang your hat on it?? And, if joy is truly found in the journey (which I am continuing to learn is true), then let’s accept the here and the now for all the beauty it holds.
For when I’m 90 and looking back at my life, I know I am not going to be recalling the number of followers I had, the number of events I spoke at or whether I had a certain number of clients… Instead I am going to be yearning to see the hearts I touched, the lives I encouraged, the ways that I loved those who were right in front of me- knowing that in doing that well I did enough right where I was.
And, maybe, just maybe the only “when then mentality” I want to live with is the one of when I’m 90 then I’ll look back over my life and say to myself, I lived wholeheartedly, believing in Him that I was enough right where I was in each step of the journey.
So, friends, I’d love to challenge you, as I do my clients.
How can you get quiet (even if for just 10 minutes) and revisit the truth of who you are? If you need a personal note, just let me know ([email protected])… I would love to send you one as encouraging women to know they are enough, they are uniquely gifted and so worth celebrating makes my heart sing!
Katie Crocombe, is a professional life coach, who was trained through PCCI, and is the founder of Flourish + Co. She is passionate about encouraging giftedness in women and partnering with them to design an intentional life through speaking, coaching and leading workshops. She’s shared her story of overcoming and her passions while leading Women’s Retreats, speaking at various Mom’s events and conferences, including MOPS, as well as at Creative Industry Meet-ups, such as RTS’ Tuesday’s Together. Katie and her husband, Matt, live in Atlanta, with their 2 daughters, Bella (9) and Ava (7).
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